This Self-Sabotaging Behavior May Surprise You

How Facebook triggers it and what you can do

Many women know exactly what they want in life - career success, a fit body, great relationships, and some of them even have a pretty good idea of the behaviors and habits it takes to get what they want. Yet why don’t they do it? Oftentimes, it’s self-sabotage. That’s the process whereby we do (or don’t do) something that’s completely counterproductive to our goals and desires. It happens often on a small scale – skipping meals, though you know that’ll just make you overeat later—and sometimes on a much larger scale as well (i.e. you want a happy marriage, but you have an affair).
 
You don’t have to be rocket scientist to know that overdrinking, drugging, gossiping, cheating, overeating and procrastinating are all examples of self-sabotaging behaviors.  But another key way women self-sabotage might very well surprise you.
 
“The biggest way women self-sabotage is by getting into a cycle of comparison and assessing themselves negatively - internalizing negative beliefs about how they fall short in their careers, relationships, attractiveness or what have you,” says Andrea Bonoir, PhD, a Washington, D.C.-based licensed clinical psychologist. “This is especially dangerous in this age of social media, where everyone appears to have lives that are more perfect than they really are.” See, when you obsess over how everyone else has it made, you put yourself into the “poor me” mindset, and if you stay there long enough, you’ll convince your poor little ‘ol self that you have no power and no choices -the epitome of self-sabotage. Besides, what you’re really doing is comparing your insides to other people’s outsides – hardly a fair comparison.
 
To help mitigate self-sabotaging triggers, stop studying your neighbors and friends on Facebook and start thinking about your own goals and how you can structure your daily life to support those goals. Do this enough and you might just get everything you want, or at least get very darn close.

4 Signs He’s Not the One For You

Your breakup cheat sheet

You’ve probably heard and have maybe even said the phrase “you’ll just know” when somebody is right for you a few times in your life. But does this phrase also mean that you’ll know when somebody isn’t right for you? It goes without saying that the vast majority of us in the active dating pool go from one date to the next overlooking the negatives, according to relationship expert, Kathryn Alice.
 
“It's really hard to break up,” says Alice, author of Love Will Find You: 9 Magnets to Bring You and Your Soulmate Together. “But it’s even worse to get hung up on someone who is clearly not right for you.” If you truly want love for the long haul, look for these warning signs that you and your current partner need to uncouple:
 
The spark is gone
 
There's no spark – “you DO get crackling chemistry with the right one,” says Alice.
 
Overcritical, and…
 
When your partner doesn’t uplift you, they need to go. It’s also time to rethink your choice of a partner if their criticisms make you feel demeaned and start to eat at your self-esteem. Take a second look if your partner doesn’t make you feel special, isn’t that interested in what you’re about, disrespects you and is emotionally abusive towards you. “Of course, physical abuse is an absolute deal breaker,” says Alice.
 
Excitement has left the building
 
When your partner’s enthusiasm about you has dwindled to an unrecoverable level, be on notice. You should never have to guess if your partner is interested in you. “If you're anxious to get every text, if you go long periods of time without hearing from the person and are looking for signs that he or she is into you, that's not good,” says Alice.
 
More fighting, less smiling

When you do more fighting than smiling, Houston, we have a problem. A relationship where there’s little harmony and no peace isn’t a relationship, it’s more like an extremely lengthy and excruciating breakup.

Life in the Fast Lane

3 signs you’re burning out and how to undo the damage

Have you ever told a friend, “I am sooo crazy busy!” not once, but over and over again? Perhaps you are managing work, family, children, household and volunteering, and neglecting yourself? This is a familiar scenario to most women that drives many to burn out. Without realizing it while it’s happening, the stresses of daily life can take a toll on our mind, body and health. Chronic-stress can also lead us to shut out our friends and family and lose our motivation. Here are some signs that you are headed for a burn-out and need to slow down…
 
You are tired…all the time
On the path to burn-out is never-ending exhaustion. You are likely to feel tired all the time, but cannot understand why. This fatigue can lead to poor health habits such as drinking too much coffee, alcohol and not exercising.
 
You are… irritable and weepy
You know you love your children and family, but you might find yourself snapping at them for no reason. You might lash out at the barista at your favorite coffee shop for using low-fat milk instead of non-fat or you may yell at your assistant at work. Uncontrollable irritability is a sign that you are over-whelmed and over-tired. Related is crying for no reason; you might find yourself teary-eyed on a regular basis.

You have….physical symptoms
In the past you might have had the occasional headache, but now you seem to have them all the time. You might notice your back hurting or other pains in other areas of your body. Constant, unresolved stress can cause physical symptoms, whether due to the stress replacing itself in your body or due to lack of exercise and poor posture. Other indicators are insomnia and lack of appetite, all which can do further harm to your psyche.

What can you do?
The first step to over-coming burn-out is to acknowledge that you are on this path. The next step is understanding that you cannot do it all - for example, if the dishes aren’t done, it is not the end of the world, but getting to bed earlier or maybe reading a book to your child is more important. So many women try to do it all; the pressure they put on themselves is intense.

You can also join a support group; maybe it’s a working moms group or maybe it’s a group that is not only taking care of their children, but taking care of aging parents as well. Sharing stories or resources can be a benefit to everyone.

Another simple way to reduce burn-out is to incorporate meditation into your daily life, even if it is just for 5 minutes. Sitting still with a quiet mind may seem difficult, but over time you will see the benefits of calming your thoughts. 

Let Freedom Ring!

Embrace and enhance your independence this Fourth of July

Every Fourth of July, Americans celebrate our independence as a nation. This year, however, while you’re gathering with friends and family to grill and gaze up at the fireworks, why not take a moment to contemplate your own independence as a woman and human being in general? After all, holidays are what you make of them, and there’s no better time than Independence Day to honor the ways you’ve freed yourself over the last year… or take your self-reliance to the next level!
 
With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for declaring your own independence this holiday weekend!
 
Cut the cord
It may sound crazy, but unplugging this Fourth of July is a serious signal to the universe that you’re not dependent on technology. It’s also a wonderful way to refresh your state of mind – and your tired eyes. Leave the phone inside when you head out back to barbecue. Or at least keep it in your pocket. There’s no need to check Facebook – or email – when you’re supposed to be kicking back. Come Tuesday, you’ll be wondering why you hadn’t taken a break sooner… and you may even feel less inclined to be constantly connected when it’s not necessary!
 
Nix a bad habit
Do you bite your nails, snack nonstop or overspend when you’re stressed? This weekend is a great time to commit to changing those habits that no longer serve you. How? Seize the spirit of the season and make this the day you change course. No more crutches. No more status quo if it’s not satisfying. You’re a big girl and you don’t need to rely on comforts that aren’t really comforting. By letting go of bad habits, you’re making room for better behaviors. On that note…
 
Bank on yourself!
Financial freedom is the best kind of all – the one that lets you sleep at night knowing that you’re taken care of all on your own. Sound unimaginable? No matter where your finances are right now, it’s not. Whether you’re struggling or on solid ground, in debt or in the clear, this is a perfect opportunity to seize the reigns of your destiny and improve the situation. Consider: how can you increase your income and decrease your bottom line? Are there ways to minimize your input and maximize returns? Perhaps now is the time to consider branching out to a side business or taking on more clients (check out the opportunities offered by JAFRA). After all, if there’s one bedrock American principle to live by, it’s that if you dream it, you can achieve it.  
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